Archive for May, 2010

I’ve seen on pro-Babywise forums people “mocking” Attachment Parenting by mocking that the parents operate by “feelings” and care about the baby’s “feelings” and listen to the baby’s cues based on their “feelings”. Apparently they do not feel (ha ha) that “feelings” are a good way to make judgments or to base interactions within a relationship. They don’t feel that paying attention to the baby’s “feelings” is really a valid thing to do.

Well…in life…if you think about it, everything has to do with what? Logic? Schedules? Structure? No. Everything has to do with feelings. Check it out:

“You” are in a bad mood so you snap at the check-out girl. Snapping at her gives her a bad day at work and she grumbled and growls at the rest of her customers. She goes home and snaps at her husband who in turn snaps at her which makes her more unhappy and when her baby wakes up that night she is very mean to him.

“Bob” finds out his wife is cheating on him. Hurt and angry Bob goes to the bar, gets toasted and drives his car. He gets to an intersection and runs a red light right into an oncoming mini-van.

The problems in these two stories are centered around what? Failed schedules? Bad sleep habits? No. They were all centered around bad feelings.

You “feel” in a bad mood and snap at someone. That makes the person snapped at “feel” bad and in turn pass that “feeling” on to others. The check-out lady goes home and spreads that “feeling” on to her husband who now also “feels” bad and then when her baby awakens and wants love from mom she doesn’t “feel” like it and the baby ends up not “feeling” so good, either.

Bob “feels” hurt by his wife’s infidelity and his overwhelming feelings lead him to so somewhere where he can wallow in those “feelings” which leads him to make decisions which not only hurt other people’s “feelings” but possibly their lives.

Think about it! If a girl “feels” happy about being pregnant does she abort?
If a country’s president “feels” good about another country does he go to war?
If a man “feels” happy and content with life does he go out and rape and murder?
If a person “feels” satisfied with their relationship do they have affairs?
If your child “feels” like you love them do they get depressed and start using drugs?
If a child “feels” like they enjoy school they do their homework and apply themselves to studies.
If a man “feels” angry and full of rage he pulls out a gun and shoots the person who pulls out in front of him on the road.

Do I need to go on?

It’s all about feelings. It really is. It’s not at all about schedules. It’s not at all about sleeping 8 hours straight at night.

Some parents allow their children to spend long periods of time crying-it-out…crying all alone in their cribs in order to “learn to sleep” as though this is a life-skill necessary for their future. But, certainly there are many criminals who sleep a full 8 hours each night who are still criminals. Certainly there are unhappily married couples who sleep all night each night but are still feel unhappy. Certainly there are depressed teenagers who end up committing suicide but were “taught” this skill of sleeping as an infant and even “now” still sleep a full 8 hours uninterrupted each night but are nonetheless feeling depressed.

There is no “skill” to sleeping. One sleeps because they are tired.

Reality is that the only thing that is truly “taught” when a child is “taught to sleep” is that no matter how hard they cry out about whatever it is that’s buggin’ them; no one is coming. Crying out does no good. They can’t change their circumstances in life. Give up. Quit trying. You’re alone and on your own! (Please see the tab at the top on “1st Year” and read about studies done on “Learned Helplessness”)

And, what do you suppose all of those “lessons learned” can lead to in a 2yr old? A young child? A teen? An adult?

Could a child who is “sleep trained” and is consistently ignored when they cry out possibly have trouble with trust? With communication? Could this lead them to have temper tantrums out of the built-up anger inside of not being “listened to”? (aka “terrible two”) What about teenagers? Isn’t their #1 complaint in life that “grown-ups don’t understand me…no one listens to me”? Why would a teenager feel misunderstood and not listened to? And, what about the adult who was sleep-trained to just “deal with things” on their own and go to sleep when they had a need? How well will they communicate with their spouse someday when they desire closeness? If they feel the slightest rejection from their spouse will they continue to “cry out” to them or will they just “suck it up” and “self soothe” and just go to sleep?

Everything in life has to do with feelings and communication. Communicating your desires. Communicating your needs. Communicating everything and dealing with your feelings. That should make teaching our babies how to communicate and how to express and handle their feelings our #1 priority in parenting. Any parental guidance teachings that falls short of teaching proper and effective communication to our children should be abandoned.

All of the world’s problems are caused by bad feelings and miscommunication. Happiness and good times come thru good feelings. You want your child to grow up to be happy and healthy don’t “teach them to sleep”…don’t “teach them that they can’t always have their own way” (and purposely ignore them when they cry out). Respond to your baby every time they cry out to you according to their cry and teach them how to communicate what’s on their minds and hearts effectively and you will ensure that they are not bottling up their sad or angry feelings to come out at a later date possibly all at the same time…possibly never to come up and instead eat your child alive from the inside out the rest of their life.

Think about it. Read thru some of the links on the side as well. There is much data out there to support this. You don’t want to raise an Ezzo baby.

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